At noon I have my therapist appointment, same time every Monday. It hasn't been a satisfying experience lately. There's been too much talk about disability and not enough talk about what's going on inside of me. I understand the necessity of this, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. 

I've been thinking about the future. I've been thinking about the past. I've been thinking about how the two collide. I want children, but I don't think I will end up being a mother largely because of my own childhood. I need to talk about this with her. I don't want to talk about it at all. Those are usually the things that I need to talk about the most. 

I'm frustrated by my lack of progress lately. More than one person has said I am expecting too much too fast. It's been 7 months since the first voices came and changed my life. 7 months sounds like such a long time to me right now. I want to be better. I want to be able to read a book again or sit through an entire movie. I want to paint and write. I want to finish the things I start. 

I don't have much to say tonight other than that. I don't understand why this has happened to me. I don't know what else I can do to make things better than what they are now. Frustrating.